<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>I can't be your secret anymore by Zi_ra</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23836456">I can't be your secret anymore</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zi_ra/pseuds/Zi_ra'>Zi_ra</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>BBC Merlin, Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Arthur's oblivious, Cannon Era, Cannon au, Cannon universe, Comfort, Cute, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluffy, Gaius knows, Getting Together, M/M, Merlin feels ignored, Merlin's a bad liar, Sad, So does Leon, Uther Pendragon is An Asshole, angsty, it's not too sad, merlin's sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:27:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,093</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23836456</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zi_ra/pseuds/Zi_ra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin &amp; Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merthur</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>137</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I can't be your secret anymore</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was all done in hushed whispers, stolen kisses in doorways before parting swiftly as if nothing had happened, fleeting embraces when they were sure they were alone and longing looks across tables during council sessions. It was desperately imperfect and, admittedly, completely dysfunctional but it was theirs and Merlin wouldn’t have had it any other way. </p>
<p>Early in their relationship Merlin was too busy sifting through the pure infatuation and bliss he felt when Arthur pulled him aside and swiped a kiss once all the lords had left the throne room. He only cared for the warmth he felt when he was allowed to stay an extra hour in Arthur’s chambers, contented to just lay his head on Arthur’s chest and listen to the steady pulse of his heart. When he was wrapped in Arthur’s arms late at night in the woods when all the knights were asleep his mind was free of worry or care and he was happy just to be. People noticed that Arthur was happier but nobody suspected the reason and it filled Merlin with pride to know that he was the reason Arthur was so happy. </p>
<p>Then they were nearly caught by Leon. </p>
<p>In his defence, Merlin had never claimed to be a decent liar. Of course, he had managed to survive in Camelot for all these years by lying but that was only because people were either too ignorant or too afraid of Arthur to ever question him. So it wasn’t exactly his fault that when Leon had caught them in the corridors, after a particularly heated makeout session, the first thing that came to his head was poetry. Arthur hated poetry. It was an awful lie and all three of them knew, not that Leon had said anything. After that things changed. Arthur became more standoffish when in public, never calling Merlin back after council sessions, sleeping further away from him when out in the woods and never allowing Merlin to stay in his chambers any later than was proper for the manservant of the King. Arthur was noticeably grumpier as well, snapping at the knights and often refusing to return the slightest bit of banter. Courtiers often approached Merlin to ask if he knew what was making the King so temperamental, Merlin just responded that it wasn’t his place to ask questions but he was secretly glad he wasn’t the only one feeling like crap. </p>
<p>Merlin hated it, he hated feeling like Arthur’s dirty little secret, like something to be ashamed of. If Merlin was distant, which he most definitely was, Arthur hadn’t noticed at all; and after weeks of feeling ignored and lonely Merlin had had enough. </p>
<p>“Thank you, Merlin, you can go now” Arthurs cold tone cut across the chambers. <br/>“No!” Merlin said. He was determined to tell Arthur how he felt. <br/>“No? I’m the King, Merlin, you can’t speak to me like that” Arthurs flippant tone made it clear he believed this to be a joke, some harmless insubordination on Merlin’s part.  <br/>“And I’m...I don’t even know what Arthur. What am I to you?” <br/>Arthur shot up from his seat and crossed the room hurriedly. <br/>“Be quiet Merlin! Someone might hear you!” <br/>“Oh, we can’t have that! We can’t have anyone knowing that Arthur Pendragon has been courting his manservant can we?” Merlin’s eyes cold and hard, he wasn’t going to back down silently this time. <br/>“Merlin will you shut up!” <br/>Merlin took his eyes from Arthurs and walked towards the bed, mindlessly fluffing the pillows and straightening the sheets. It was silent for a few minutes until Merlin spoke again, softer than normal. </p>
<p>“Why aren’t I good enough for you?” He heard Arthur sigh behind him but refused to turn around. He braced himself for the inevitable rejection. Maybe he’d read it wrong and it meant nothing, nothing more than a distraction. <br/>“You are Merlin” <br/>“I can’t be your secret anymore Arthur” He heard Arthurs footsteps moving towards him and he tensed ready for shouting, hitting, he didn’t really know. Instead, he felt Arthur’s arms envelop his waist and the weight of his head against the crook of his neck. Merlin breathed a sigh of relief and leant into the pressure. He had missed this. </p>
<p>“I know love. I’m sorry, I just got so worried when Leon caught us and I couldn’t risk it happening again” <br/>“But why? What’s so bad about me that you don’t want people to know about this?” Arthur tensed but didn’t pull away.<br/>“There is nothing wrong with you, at all Merlin. It’s me. I’m still trying to live up to my father’s expectations and I’m terrified of disappointing him” <br/>“Arthur, he is dead. You don’t have to be scared of him anymore” Merlin turned to face Arthur taking his face in his hands cautiously as if afraid Arthur would recoil. He didn’t. Merlin leaned forward and tentatively brushed a kiss against Arthur’s lips, a silent cue that his apology had been accepted and Arthur tightened his hold of Merlin’s waist, closing his eyes and breathing a heavy sigh. </p>
<p>“I want to tell people about us. I want you to share the throne with me. I want you to be more than my manservant but I’m so scared of what people will say” <br/>“You’re the King, Arthur, everyone loves you. Nobody will have anything negative to say, and if they do I can get Gaius to poison them and make it look like an accident.” <br/>Arthur chuckled in response leaning his forehead against Merlins. <br/>“We’ll tell them. I want to show you off, show everyone how beautiful you are” Merlin lifted his head and blushed in response.</p>
<p>“You’re mine Merlin and I want people to know that” Merlin smiled brightly, the smile that made his eyes shine, the smile he reserved for Arthur.<br/>“And you are mine” </p>
<p>Arthur leant forward, eyes locked on Merlin looking for permission. Merlin nodded and felt his body completely relax as Arthur pressed his lips to Merlins. Soft, slow and passionate; everything Merlin had wanted to feel since the beginning. The kiss was intimate, not pressing for anything more but sincere in its meaning and Merlin could feel himself grab at the back of Arthur’s neck for stability as he practically melted into the kiss. After a while, and much to Merlin’s disappointment, Arthur pulled away. <br/>“How do you want to do this love?”<br/>“Start with the knights? We don’t have to worry about Gaius, I have a feeling he already knows” <br/>Arthur chuckled. <br/>“Yes, I’m sure he does.”</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>